Well the world is coming to an end…

(From NHL.com) He’ll definitely lead the team in hits. Teenage pop star Justin Bieber has been offered a contract by the Bakersfield Condors of the ECHL.

“Yes, we would play him if he was up for it,” coach Matt O’Dette told NHL.com. “I have seen video on him and he does have some hockey skills.”

According to the team’s website, “The Bakersfield Condors and Head Coach/Director of Hockey Operations Matt O’Dette announced [Tuesday] that they have offered hit-recording artist/RW Justin Bieber an amateur tryout contract for the upcoming 2012-13 season.”

Bieber, 18 years old, is described as having “soft hands, a good skating stride, and a devastating wrist shot capable of beating NHL caliber goaltenders.”

“He appears to be strong in shootouts as well,” the team’s website says.

“I would compare him to Mike Ribeiro, formerly of the Dallas Stars, whom I played with back in the AHL with Quebec,” O’Dette told NHL.com. “And Mike Ribeiro was a pretty good dancer, if I remember correctly.”

Bieber grew up in Stratford, Ontario, and has practiced with the Toronto Maple Leafs.

“Very rarely do you see this combination of skill and toughness,” O’Dette said on the team’s website. “We share a common Canadian heritage since we both hail from Ontario. I’ve scouted some video of him online skating with my hometown team, the Toronto Maple Leafs, and I think he could provide some elusive speed up front for us. Plus, he’s a right-handed shot which we’ve been looking to add. I think if we paired him on a line with (Robby) Dee and (Peter) Boyd, we’d be tough to beat.”

Bieber’s upcoming tour will be in nearby Fresno, Calif., on Oct. 5.

“So he could swing by for a tryout. And we’d be happy to have him,” general manager Matthew Riley told NHL.com.

Bieber, whose musical hits include “Baby” and “Boyfriend,” has almost 28 million followers on Twitter. A Best New Artist nominee at the 2011 Grammy Awards, he is ranked as the world’s third most powerful celebrity by Forbes, trailing only Jennifer Lopez and Oprah Winfrey.

“Plus, his sick flow will fit right in with a Condors team known for their style,” the website says.

Do I really need to say anything about this?  First the NHL is days away from shooting themselves in the taint for the second time in the last decade and now one of the next best leagues is giving free tryouts to pre-pubescent douchebags.  We are embarking on dark days for hockey fans indeed.

Anyone could sit down and write a whiny blog, complaining about how bad Bieber’s music is, and how this whole charade is a massive publicity stunt for the Bakersfield Condors and the ECHL, but I am going to try and take a different stance on this.

Consider me on board with this move.  I’d absolutely love to see the Biebs give up his luxurious, superstar lifestyle to settle down and play in BAKERSFIELD, aka the (insert crude and innapropriate object here) of America.  I’ve driven through Bako several times in my days playing in Fresno, (I loved that NHL.com thought it necessary to plug Bieber’s upcoming Fresno show, because obviously their readers were desperate to know the Condors’ newest star would be performing next) and the place doesn’t necessarily scream high class.  I would give Bieber a week living in Bakersfield before he either a) falls into a deep dark state of depression, b) Selena Gomez dumps his sorry ass because the Bakersfield mall doesn’t cater to her expensive tastes, or c) the first day of training camp comes and some meathead from the CHL mops up the ice with his dead, lifeless body.  I’m pulling for all three.

PS- I’m betting the house on either a massive down year or a suicide from Mike Ribiero.  You can’t have someone who is employed to coach a professional hockey team seriously compare your skills with Justin Bieber and come back unscathed.  He might as well cut his losses and call it a career… But at least he has his superior dancing ability to fall back on.


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